==痛==

---------------> 这里~很痛...

==不完美中的完美==

你说我完美~
我以为我努力更完美~我们就能到永远~

你说我完美~
值得更好的陪在我身边~
但你不是我所以你不会懂~
你对我有多珍贵~

我的完美~
让你不能呼吸~
我的完美~变成了一种罪~

“爱人的那一个，往往在不完美中给完美；被爱的那一个，却总是在完美中找不完美”

还你自由~
是我在不完美中能给的完美~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

终于鼓起勇气开口了~原来我也可以那么勇敢的~
人会因为环境而变得坚强勇敢~我想是对的~

分开前
想想了从前
想想傻傻的他~傻傻的我
想想还是朋友的我们
想想爱拿他开玩笑的我

想想当初爱上我的他
想想他跟我告白我却当他在开玩笑
想想我曾给他的伤害

想想之后爱上他的我
想想终于在一起的我们

想想他带过我去的地方
想想他给过我的生日惊喜
想想他给过我的快乐
想想他给我的安全感
想想在他身边就会很安心的我
想想骂我神经病的他~
想想终于会因为其他男生而吃醋的他
想想曾因为他而眉开眼笑的我

想想我常常吵他牵我手说爱我
想想我逼他唱生日歌叫我宝贝
想想最爱说他最帅了的我
想想最爱他的我

想想我被他判死刑的那一夜
想想死都不放弃的我
想想不吃饭不睡觉的我
想想为了忘记而忙碌的我
想想在他面前故作坚强的我
想想偷跑去他家看小狗的我
想想突然出现在他家门前然后惹他不高兴的我
想想躺在他身边哭了一整夜，然后默默离开的我
想想在车上伤心流着泪的我
想想发高烧自己一个人躲在家哭泣的我
想想我哭到睡着的那无数个夜晚

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
重新想过一遍后~我们的故事并不短~
时间慢慢过去~那些感动一点一点地封存~
心也痛了一回又一回~
告诉自己应该放手了~
我的眼泪已经不值钱~连我自己都不珍惜了~

没有了谁~
我们一样可以过日子~
问题是~
这些日子是否过的幸福而已~
容易满足是一种幸福~
还有追寻~是幸福~
拥有希望和梦想~是幸福~
小时候~幸福是一种实物~
长大之后~幸福是一种状态~
然后有一天~我才发现~
幸福既不是实物~也不是状态~
幸福是一种领悟~

狠狠地说了句分手吧~
打扮美美出门去~
一个人我也一样可以吃饭走走看电影~
在人来人往的广场~
一个人我一样可以~

忘了吗？那三个月的我~
也是一个人的~
一个人搭巴士~
一个人走走~
一个人上银行~
一个人看医生..........
我已习惯一个人~

我可以过得很好的~
他说我变了~
变坚强了~
对啊~是因为他让我变坚强的~
因为爱他所以我必须坚强必须勇敢~
这是一个必须~

因为只有这样~我才能勇敢说要分开~
只有这样~他才能安心的离我而去~
只有这样~他不会再觉得亏欠我~

他不也变了吗？人总是随着环境而改变的~
只是我说不出他哪里变了~
从他的生活跳出来并以旁观者的立场来看~
他也许真的变了吧~尤其在回想了从前之后~更能确定了~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

请自己吃一顿好吃的~
看一部好电影~
买东西慰劳自己~
不管爱过多少个人~
不管爱得有多么痛苦或多么快乐~
最后~学会的不过是怎样用心去爱自己而已~

祝我幸福~
单身万岁~

P.S: 谢谢思忆陪我哭一场~舒服多了~还有谢谢所有关心我的人~

==落寞==

难过的时候~已学会怎样让自己开心~
走走看电影~什么都好~逃离让你胡思乱想的地方吧~
心情真的会比较好~

是我不够爱~还是因为爱？
才让我什么都不想管不想问了~~
明明是这样~心里却不是酱想~

很落寞~
到底我是怎样的我~
到底怎样的我~能让他更想念~
到底几时~才会听见他主动说~我想见你~

都说了~我能接受这样的我们~
但偶尔~真的只是偶尔~会觉得累~
原来我还是有脾气的~哈哈~
原来我还知道什么是耍性子~
只不过他或许不知道我在耍性子~
只不过他更不会知道是什么原因~

其实也只不过是因为~
我很想他~~

但我也学会不去想他了~
应该说我已经不想让他知道我想他~
我也有自尊心~

女孩对自己所爱的男人发火后自己转过身却在不断啜泣~
女孩从来不会真正去生他们的气~
因为她是真的爱他在乎他~

女孩只对自己爱的男人唠唠叨叨~
也只会对自己的人耍性子~

请给她一个拥抱~
用你的拥抱去化解她心里的悲伤与眼角的泪~
她爱你绝对不会拒绝你的拥抱~
她只会害怕你的冷漠转身无声安静~

怎样的雨~
怎样的夜~
怎样的我~能让你更想念？

雨要多大~
天要多黑~
.....................................

无言........不争气.........
幸福~却流泪~

茅盾........

~My 20th B'Day~~

12th Nov 2008 was my 20th b'day~ haha~i noe it's oredi been past 2 weeks~but due to my assignments n speech~i onli can upload n wrote abt my
^LOVELY 20TH B'DAY^ now....yeah~*
erm~i think if i've not mistaken~i've been celebrating my 20th b'day for one weeks~=.=" it's kinda crazy but no choice la~who asked me got so many frenz~~~~WAKAKAKA~no la...juz Kidding~lolx...

^6th Nov 2008^

happy happy^^~i reach my lovely home at 9pm~haha~tumpang amy's sis car from KL~

^7th Nov 2008^

Hooray~my 1st celebration start on dis day~i celebrated wif my bez sista n my PG gang best frenz~ well~8 of us~

^me^amy^ginnie^karine^jing jing^soon^lun^wei jie^

^Group Photo^

we went to a korea restorant~for a korea feast~nice food~nice enviroment~overall is all ok la~ so happy dat i have them celebrating b'day wif me~

^my 1st b'day cake^

actually nvr think of we can celebrate together coz dis year i've goin up to KL for further studies~thx God~i can make it bek JB to celebrate wif them~haha~i love them so much~really miss our secondnary school life~

after our korea feasting~we went to coffee trap for yum cha~(it's seems to b our lao di fang for yum cha dy)~

^Coffee Trap^

dis place is full of memories~coz dis is oso the place where they give me farewell b4 i goin up to KL~sob sob..(>_<)... anyway~Mr Soon sang a song to me~for my b'day~song title~"MORE THAN WORDS"~kinda touching~(although is a love song dat supposed to sang by my bao bei)~haha~but i still appreciate it~thx soon~~i nearly cry~seriously~~yup~our frenship r more than words^_^~dis is the video dat we have recorded~

~More Than Words by Mr Soon to Me,Agnes chan~

^8th Nov 2008^

me n my lovely family went to danga bay~some sort like celebrate my b'day~but it's oso bcoz of my dad's company family day helding here~dat's why we r here~

^Dad n Mum^

^smelly me n round hand^

we stay there from 9am in the morning until 5pm in the evening~=.="~kesian me~after dat day~i'm dark again~~~~look like malay ah moi~shit lo~i hate dark skin(>.<)..n i'm the one who easy dark hard to fair wan lo(translate:容易黑很难白~lolx...)~for ur information~danga bay is JB's view spot dat all foreign visitors must visit~n it's a beach~dat's why i didnt stand under the sun but still get dark bcoz of the WIND~ we have a great time there~1st time playing pirates ship with whole family~my silly mum n dad laughting all the journey bcoz they r scared~WAHAHAHA~n my cute daddy enjoy playing bumper car~i nearly fly out from the car when i sat bside him in dat small bumper car...=.=" damn scary man~but it's fun~ on dat nite~actually mum's wanna buy me a cake~but too bad too late dy~coz dad n mum have to rush to church for meeting right after danga bay~their meeting damn long man~口水多过茶~i'm quite unhappy~mayb i'm not considerate enough~but i really doesnt feel good~i think my dad n mum sense dat~they quite guilty~i'm guilty for making them guilty too~ anyway~mum says will buy cake for me b4 i go bek to KL~happy happy~hehe~i'm childish rite?

^9th Nov 2008^

we are rushing for my bus at 1.30pm~before dat actually we intend to buy cake n blow~but waiting for sis at daya gospel centre~until 12.45pm~i have not enough time dy~so....i have to go~my sis saw me before i go off~but she cant even talk to me coz she's interpreting in front~i think she is sad too~when we leave i send a msg to her to tell her i'm leaving~she's reply me n she sound sad~my tears drop.......(>_<、)....coz i cant c my sis b4 i'm leaving.... n obviously we didnt manage to blow cake~but it's not so importang anyway~~ well~my next part of 9th Nov~ meet jia yin n gals in larkin~n they go up to KL wif me~to CELEBRATE my b'day!!!!!! yoyo man~besties in SDJ~~ we talk talk talk non-stop from JB to Yong Peng~from Yong Peng to i think Seremban~then actually we wanna to take a nap~but......we still talk~until Pudu~hahahaha~i wonder the people in bus will curse us like mad or not~i've never been talking so much thru out the journey from JB to KL~coz i always travel alone~kesian lo~haha~ reach KL....sit 30 bucks taxi to my hse(actually it's onli cost 7++bucks to my hse if taxi run by metre~)~Pudu is like dat de la~nampak orang ketuk saja! reach my hse~settle down...n we went to mid valley which is the nearest shopping mall from my hse(actually Bangsar Village is the nearest~but i think dat's not our standard...so...ignore it..wakaka)...

we go jalan jalan~makan makan~went to carls juniors for burgers~haha~nice burger~nice place~n most important things is~
^NICE BESTIES^

^Besties Burger+ing 2gather^

we went bek my hse 32 around 10 smtg~bath...blah blah blah~then go out to Mcd yum cha again~crazy man~we walk to my main campus mcd~n the journey is quite scary~we yum until........OMG......5am we r still there~the reason is.........they scared to walk bek~~~=.="~~~ i'm so sleepy....n finally i drag them bek~end up we not walking bek but running bek my hse 32~ haha~crazy us^^as usual..:p

^10th Nov 2008^

wake up early(actually i'm the latest to wake up..:p)~haha~6am onli sleep leh~damn tired lo~~~prepare to go shopping~

we reach times square early in the morning n non of the shop open to let us eat breakfast=.="~end up we having breakfast in a small corner maggie mee shop~super small nasi lemak selling there~

shopping shopping~crapping crapping~taking photo as usual~take everywhere anytime~wakaka~ i spend money buy clothes n bag again~but Agnes tan bought sooooooooo much things than me lo~~haha~

finally~they have to go bek to JB~stupid monarail we waited for 45 minutes~until they gonna missed the bus dy~end up they decide to go Pudu by taxi~gd thing they get into bus on time~~~

Juz wanna tell u gals dat....i really appreciate dat wat u all did for me~so glad dat u all celebrate b'day for me in KL~~thx gals~

^Jia Yin^Agnes ban ban^MingLi^

^My 2nd B'day cake~thx Jia Yin^

^11th Nov 2008^

me n bao bei went to red box in sunway piramid~haha~n we onli pay for 3 BUCKS~u noe why?bcoz of the celcom gave us 10 bucks voucher each~so~1st time paying 3 bucks for red box~wakaka~

after dat~both of us went to starbucks to blow cake~

^My 3rd B'day cake~thx baobei^

^Me n Jie^

haha~i love blowing cake~stupid rite?but it's fun~ bao bei bought me a pretty cake~n he sang b'day song to me which make me laught coz he refuse to call me.....ehem....~haha~ but he have to left at 3pm...coz hv some stuff to do in college~i'm quite disappointed~but i have to b considerate la~anyway~he wanna to force me go home but i dun want~coz i dun want to b bek so early la~so扫兴~haha~end up i shopping alone after he go~quite lonely..(>_<)...but fun.... n i bought things again...=.="....girls nature la~~haha~~
^tHx BaO bEi for everything^

^12th Nov 2008^

wow~!! the exact day of my b'day~~haha~
^12th NOV 2008^
bao bei is the 1st wan who call me n greet me happy b'day~damn happy n supprise~haha~ n of coz i receive many many msg from my frenz ya~~...n my sista too~my round hand sis send me a b'day song dat sang by momeh~

^b'day song by momeh(actually my sis sang it)^

dat makes me cry coz i'm too touch n i miss her badly..(>_<)...(i like to cry..:p)... 2day i celebrate my big day with.....^HOUSE 32^

^Hse 32^

^my 4th B'day cake~thx hse 32^

we went to small genting~n have alot of fun~we have a steak meal~with nice view~haha~of coz we went to the highest place~it's really a nice place~i love it so much~from there we can have night view of KL n we saw genting too~

^night view from small genting^

thx xiao tian for suggesting dis place^^ after dat~we went for a movie^Madagasca^at Mid valley~nice movie~

finally~my b'day end here~~~

^13th Nov 2008^

i tot my b'day was end but dis day i have a supprise party from my dear cell group W19 members~haha~very touching~n i've blow my 5th b'day cake with 5th b'day wish(actually i made the same wishes everytime)~

^my 5th b'day cake~thx W19 ^


^W19 cell member^

===================================================================== i think my 1st b'day wish oredi come true~which is i hope dat i can have happinese~i dunno abt the 2nd wish~hehe~anyway~i'm really feel happinese now~doesnt care abt future~as long as now i am happy enough~

----------A BIG THANK YOU TO-------

my bez sista
^amy^ginnie^karine^

PG gang
^Jing^wei jie^lun^soon^chuan^

my lovely family
^dad^mum^round hand sis^smelly baby^

my Bao Bei
^JiE^

my SDJ besties
^Jia Yin^Agnes ban ban^MingLi^

my hse 32
^xiao tian^yong jie^sze yii^joanna^cass^shari^n the guys^

my cell W19
^Faith^denise^aily^kian hong^zhi yin^Hansoon^jessica^n those who didnt mention^

PS: more photo~pls visit my:

frenster:http://www.friendster.com/photos/28833229/1/685440767
facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?ref=mb#/photo.php?pid=164098&id=1372626166
http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?ref=mb#/photo.php?pid=158847&id=1372626166&ref=mf

~=it hurts me=~

i'm trying my best to make it perfect but sometimes it seems like not gonna works..somehow my heart hurt when i realize something that really shoot directly to my heart..
but..i think everything gonna b alrite..coz i'm not that kind of person who will ask for more especially in my relationship..it's kinda deceiving myself but dis is the only way to make myself happy i guess...or maybe i really take it too seriously..

..mayb my expectation too high?yup...mayb...n not anyone fails me but i fails myself...

i'm always the failure...i shud admit it...

but i'm still happy to b with him..i think i need to figure out wat really happen to me..coz i think i'm really got problem...lolx...

anyway...i didnt manage to get angry...am i normal?haha...i'm always NOT...

gd nitez...i broke my promise too...for sleeping early..:p

~+生日.愿望+~

又下雨了~竟然睡不着~
心情~灰灰~
还是会有想安静的时候~
今天的我不想笑~可能也找不到能让我微笑的理由吧~

我~的确是个很爱想的人~只要安静下来就能够想很多事情~想着想着~心情就会有所改变~有时会莫名的低落~有时会莫名的欢喜~我其实也不了解我自己~

或许在人前~我总是个很开朗的人~似乎不会有什么事能让我不开心超过几分钟~事实上我却不是酱~

是不是因为我太爱演了（朋友都说我爱演=.="....他常说我pattern多多@.@...哈哈~）结果爱到我自己都找不回自己（有时候会这样觉得）~真的不懂~我究竟是个怎样的人~好像一直在随着环境而改变~

“爱上一个世界大的男人~你会海阔天空~爱上一个世界小的小男人~你只会退步~”

这句话说的真好~然而如果你在大男人的世界看到渺小的自己~那该喜该泣呢？今天我所想的就是这个~对啊~我爱的他世界是大的~大到我有时甚至看不到自己~这也只能看我怎么去接受而已~我能接受~不过偶尔~真的只是偶尔~会有点累~起码~他还在~只要在我身边那就好了~

曾有个人跟我说过我的坚强只是在掩饰心理的不安~或许真的是这样咯~他还真的常常看穿我的心思~.....可能是~我们有点像吧~

要幸福~简单的三个字~现在还是牢记在心里~
嗯~我会的~这是我当时的回答吗？好像是~
呵呵~现在的我想告诉你~
谢谢~我真的幸福~

生日要到了~

我的生日愿望：（可以贪心一点吗？哈哈~）
我希望~我能幸福久一点~~（还真的很贪心~呵呵~）

还有一个~
我希望~我能带给身边的每一个人幸福~

5.04 a.m.
OMG!严重失眠=.=~
我是累的~晚安~

....i need a hug now..

=+爱.努力.在一起+=

爱不是逃避，是努力。

爱并不是逃避着给彼此幸福的责任~

而是努力的实现让彼此幸福的义务~

爱是一种责任，不可以轻易的离开。

爱是宽容，爱着彼此的一切。

爱是要努力的在一起~~
======================================================================

这段话说得真好~是从某个部落格看到的~
现实生活中~有些人会把爱情当成是一种负担~把自己压得喘不过气~
是自己给自己的压力吗？还是对方给的？
这个问题~应该发生在很多对情人身上吧~

对我来说~对一个人的好~是不用求回报的~因为那是我人生的一部分~对我爱的人好~算是种幸福~但是会不会哪一天~我的好又变成了一种罪呢~

我喜欢现在的我们~我喜欢现在的我~我喜欢现在的他~

他常说~两个人在一起是为了什么？其实我也不知道~

偶尔还是会想~如果没有他~会怎样？
只要想到没有他~那三个月的情绪又会涌上心头~

或许~他再次离开的时候~我还是一样会痛彻心扉~
又或许~他再次离开的时候~我已经能笑着说再见~
如果是后者的话~或许的或许~是因为他已经让我习惯~~习惯一个人了~~

我还是会怕~那种痛~

但~爱是要努力的在一起~
要努力~~

是想他的咯~呵呵~

~=爱情.幸福.两回事=~

终于完成我的最后一个assignment了（目前的最后一个=.="）~暂时可以轻松一下了~我啊~这个礼拜八堂课我只去了三堂~都是在赶assignment不然就是赶到太迟早上睡不醒就干脆没去了~想了都好惭愧~呵呵~
下个礼拜是我的mid term~希望不会再熬夜了~不然~~~恐怕又会惹他不开心~有时候真的身不由己啊~我也想早点睡~只是情况不允许~虽然也是因为我总做last minute工~哇哈哈~尽量啦~这真的很难保证~
唉~到底该怎么做~才能化解现在的“危机”呢？其实对我来说这样子就已经够了~所以不算什么危机吧~但是都说了~不知道是不是因为我的自私而在勉强现在的状况~真的快乐吗？yes,i do..but wat abt u?我还是很在意他的感受~虽然我一直在告诉自己~这一次跟着自己的感觉走就好~什么都不想管~但有好像太过牵强了~he seems struggling...
不管怎样~我想我们都是爱的吧~这是唯一能够让感情继续的理由~对我来说~只要有爱~其他的真的不重要~毕竟两个人要找到真正适合彼此的相处方式不是件很容易的事~只是我们爱的方式跟其他人不一样而已~

虽然~~爱情和幸福是两回事....

~+~起点~+~+

美好的爱情~不是让我们变得自私~而是使我们变得善良和宽容~

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

最近好忙哦~所以有一阵子没update我的部落格了~assignment一份接一份来~快要疯掉~交了之后~就到mid term咯~真的是………….我到底是为什么而活啊？

好多感受用千言万语都很难形容~我很开心~但不代表可以让身边的人也开心~所以我好怕哦~怕那种感受又再来一次~或许我也不知道这到底是不是我想要的吧~有时候真的会很疑惑~但是目前为止我还是喜欢这个样子~当我自私也好~我应该偶尔自私一点的~对吗？

至少~我觉得我是幸福的~

…..你回来那就好了~

~=在你眼里~我偶尔看得到自己=~

我很无奈~很空~不懂怎样形容~回来这里感觉空空的~害怕熟悉的他又开始变陌生~一直在想~他在哪~在干嘛~我又被遗忘了吗？

他到底~怎么想~我在他心里~到底是什么~为什么总让我觉得那么不踏实呢~

答案~我等了好久~忐忑了好久~不想再被折磨~

到底应该远远的看着他~还是靠近一点更好~

要我不去在乎~我做得到吗？

心的伤还有一点不要紧~~我也只能接受他的决定~~

~+~I REALLY HATE DAT KIND OF FEELING!!!~+~+

i hate dat kind of feeling!!i hate ppl thinking dat way..but why things always happen like dat?i noe everyone got freedom to do whatever he want..but why i dun feel good?
haiz..dis is not beyone my control anyway..juz do whatever u want ok?!do AS U WISH!!!!!!
n everyone pls LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mayb i really think too much...

~=烦=~

烦~

如果爱情能简单一点的话~我想我们都不会那么无奈吧~把心里话说出来后~似乎没改变得了什么~而他~是否真的有认真去想呢？

那天他问我觉得这样值不值得~我被他问倒了~我从来不知道这样值不值得~从来没去想~~我想这不是我自己能衡量的~不过只要感觉得到他在身边~我脸上都会挂着笑容~这是我所知道的~那么~这样算不算值得呢？用我的时间来交换笑容~算值得吧~~

当他又突然消失的时候~我好不踏实~~

一切都看他怎么做决定了~我有的是时间~

~+~酱就够了~+~+

好久没那么开心了哦~莹终于回来了~哈哈~昨天跟了她和steve先生去看了电影~哇 靠~PATHOLOGI!!恶心血腥的电影~我最讨厌的~我想大半部分都是蒙着眼看的吧~还被莹说我吵=.="~不要酱~我真的很顶不顺血腥的电影咯~哈 哈~晚上在她家楼下喝茶聊天到三点才回家~然后在她家又聊多一轮到五点~真是的~女生是酱的咯~嘻嘻~

今早呢我们去唱k~我啊几百年没唱了然后今天真的唱到很爽咯~哈哈~之后去shopping买衣服~花了不少钱~=.="~不过我真的好久没这样了~很开心很尽兴~

明天我又能回hometown了~这次回去是先meet我的好朋友们~我们要去吃火锅然后再看到哪里去玩~太开心了~明天一定要玩得很开心很开心哦~友谊万岁~期待期待~

不 过呢~之后就真的要乖乖呆在家做assignment咯~开学有两份要交啊~这也是为什么一回到hometown我就先把时间给我的好朋友们~因为恐怕我 没有其它时间了~当然我也很开心又能见到我的白痴家人咯~嘻嘻~老爸下午打来听他声音就知他几期待我回去~陈家的公主要回家了~嘿嘿~

我啊我~我想只有他能让我笑得那么开心吧~只要在我身边就好~真的~我什么都不想要了~

今晚会睡得很甜~晚安各位^^

~=追。逐=~

忙了两天~也失眠了两天~今天的presentation终于过去了~伤心的是我做的很不好~~从来没有那么糟糕~这一次真的是~~~很伤心咯~我承认我是没花很多心思~但起码还是有努力啊~唉~~为什么我每次什么事都事与愿违~~好down哦~

下次再努力吧~我生来本来就是个要比别人更努力才会有成果的人（有时甚至比别人努力还是会失败）~所以除了努力我没有其它的能做~多么羡慕那些天生聪明英文又好得不行的人~任何presentation都不会难倒他们~~~唉~~

不想追逐他的脚步~最后我还是这么做了~没办法不跟~每次一停下脚步我就觉 得好不踏实~好像要从悬崖掉下去了的感觉~或许是我自己怕真的跌下去吧~因为真的跌太多次了~总听别人说与其在悬崖那徘徊在那害怕~不如就跳下去让一切结 束可能会更好~不过真的如此吗？很多人都认为我已经不爱了看开了释怀了~的确我的生活还是照样在过~但又有谁会知道在安静的夜晚我的心痛上几回呢？脸上的快乐~别人看得到~心里的痛又有谁会去察觉？眼泪是少了~就代表真的不爱了？我不知道~

终于我还是开口了~该死的夜晚让我的心再也没办法逃避~对啊~在我心里我何 尝不是每时每刻都在期待呢~曾以为我们都走远了~连背影都看不到了~转了一圈我们似乎还是走不开~事实我们都并还没走远~至少心里还是在乎的吧~只不过像 他所说的~在乎不是爱~而我们是否真的爱对方？又爱得多深？我想我们都还找不到答案~而我们在害怕的~其实只是真的回头的话以后会不会快乐而已~不是吗？ 我从来都不去想以后的事情~因为我总是觉得未来的快乐是要靠两个人的努力才能得到的~但我似乎也被他逼退了~我竟然开始怀疑~我们真的会快乐吗？这真的不 像我~朋友都说我的举动有时真的让人无法理解~明明还爱又表现得好释怀~不这么做的话我想我会把情况弄得更糟不是？

我真的不是个会在乎有没有以后的人~爱情本来都不会像童话故事般完美~所以对我而言爱情只要过得去就好~何必去计较它的瑕疵~我们都不会懂有了开始的故事是否一定会有美好的结果~但有梦的人生才够精彩~

让我们重新再来~好吗？爱得简单就是幸福~何必去在乎其它的东西？

这是我最后一次的期待了~

~@我是神经病@我讨厌雨天@我能怎样?@他想怎样?@啊！！！~~疯啦！

今早一早起来有点pekceh~有刚好外面下起雨来~让我更加心情不愉快~我发现我真的超讨厌雨天的~因为雨天真能影响我的心情咯~让我今天一整天~sucks mood!!

睡不下去了就起身收拾东西啊洗衣啊煮饭的~酱弄一下竟然就下午两点了~唉~speech都还没开始找资料~所以就勉强找了一下~很懒啊~很不想动咯~结果就真的瘫在床上一整天~最后~speech还是没做到~啊！！！！~~~~~~~~~~shit!!

没 回hometown的周末真的很空虚~我要回家啦~整天关在房间我看不久我要长菇了=.="....又懒得出门~（其实是没朋友~呵呵~）~以前的周末都 是跟他一起过的~每次都好象不够用~分手后呢周末不是做工就是找姐妹~自从生了场大病后现在工也不做了~姐妹也不在kl~唉~真的是~~~无聊透 顶！！！！

烦啊！！！！！let go n move on!!!个屁~~~做得到就好~要我不去想都有点难了~何况是LET GO!!!!呜呜~~~~语无伦次了~~

啊！！！~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~干嘛啦我~~~真的很烦~无奈~超无奈~我到底想怎样能怎样会怎样？？不懂不懂不懂啦~不要再问我了啦~

呜呜~他到底想怎样会怎样？我不敢问不敢懂啦~

我是神经病！！！！~~~~~~

P.S.生日快乐~黄威翔！！最有心就是我~感动吗？哈哈哈~

晚安各位~我真的是神经病！！。。。啊！！！~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~=爱情的保存期限=~

最近开始越来越多东西要忙咯~我啊~最近越来越懒惰了~呵呵~反正这个sem的MR KANAN都不care我们的attendance~所以每次早上课都不去上~不行啦~要改掉这个坏习惯~哈哈~不过真的很懒叻~尤其我每次都需要一个小时准备=.=''。。我会努力的！

我 呢~开始喜欢上一个人走在街上~看看身边经过的陌路人~然后用自己的想象力来想象对方是个怎样的人、经历过怎样的事~...看到甜蜜的恋人~会打从心里祝福他们 一直幸福下去；看到在争吵中的恋人~会想劝他们珍惜难得的幸福~不过我不认识他们~所以当然没做酱的傻事吖~哈哈~我想每个人都有不同的经 历吧~背后必定也会有不同的伤口~人生大部分的时间本来都是在面对+解决难题~最重要的其实只是我们用什么态度来面对难题而已~

最 近的我~生活平平淡淡~心情~也平平静静的~没很好~也没很差~其实呢~心中的死结还没解开~因为解不开~所以干脆不解了~不去想就没事~但只要开始想 了~就会没完没了=.=''~人嘛~总是爱对自己说谎~同时也爱做很多表面功夫来对大家说谎~为什么要这样呢？不了解~我~偶尔还是会莫名的低落~尤其当 我去到我们去过的地方~经过他家~回忆着我们做过的事~心就会有甜甜苦苦涩涩的感觉~复杂~倔强的我~不再哭了~多难过都好~都已学会一笑置之~心很痛的时候~憋着呼吸~因为呼吸真的会痛~所以已经内伤了~呵呵~

我想他还是会想起我的~会用怎样的情绪？是否也像我一样在欺骗自己？我不知道~他也不会让别人知道吧~他的表面功夫做得很充足~这方面他真的很厉害..

这 世界上没有未完成的故事~只有未死的心~我也无法证明自己不会再相信爱情~说我无法再相信爱情只是个借口~对啊~我的确还在期盼~期盼他会回头看我~什么 结果都好~只要回头看看我~你要我考虑可不可以尝试喜欢你~我有想考虑~在某些层次上~或许你可以让我喜欢~但那也只会是朋友的喜欢~（能成为朋友一定是 因为有基本的“喜欢”才能成为朋友啊！）我想你比谁都清楚的~对吧？我不需要时间~因为我也并不打算给自己时间~

对他的感情~不是一朝一夕~也不是别人甚至是他本身能了解的~只有我自己懂~却也解释不了~或许在他眼里我已经是expired~过了保存期限~没了价值~

而爱情~不过是如此而已~

愿世上所有有情人的爱情~都不会有保存期限~像童话故事般~happily ever after.....

~i love my frenzZ~+~+

time goes so fast..finally i have to b back to continue my college life liao..haiz..it’s all abt LECTURES,TUTORIAL,ASSIGNMENTS n PRESENTATION….

anyway..i had spend a nice weekends in JB..at least i can c my family..n of coz my dear frenz…surprisingly,my flu recover when i reach home..i think i really have terrible homesick..

it’s been a long time dat we didnt gather 2gather liao..finally during dis mid-autumn festival we can have BBQ gathering in Amy’s hse..i think everyone have a wonderful time..of coz i’m the happiest person i guess..hehe..

ya..i’m happy bcoz we can gather up again although all of us have our own life n own way to go..everyone seems to have different life now..n somehow we still yearning the time when we r still in secondnary school..i think dat’s everyone sweetest memories..dun we?

anyway i’m happy to c him too..we didnt manage to talk much..but it’s good enough for me..sometimes words may not express..but action can replace everything..all dat he done may look small but it’s really make me feel happy..i dun really noe how much i love him but he do mean alots to me..n sometimes i will feel dat i still mean something to him,too..can i feel dat way?i dunno..

but i think i shud’nt think too much..it onli will make me feel hurt after all when i realize actually i mean nothing..

as long as he dun disappear from my life..

~+~i've never had a dream come true~+~+

“…hold my hand..n i will bring u hapinese….”he says dis to me..

i was so happy..n i tot dat he’s back…right here with me..

but actually is juz a dream..dis is wat he said to me in my dream last nite…

i’ve been dreamt of him since he left me..n i think i’m really goin to b crazy liao..

anyway..my dream will not be come true..dat dream woke me up at 4a.m. in the morning..n definitely was in my tears..haiz..

looking at my laptop..realize dat he’s still on9+ing..my hearts hurt..ya..i always woke up in the middle of the nite..n drown myself with heart broken..

sometimes..we might think dat when

we close our eyes..we will not c everything dat we doesn’t want to c;

cover our ear,we will not hear the things dat we doesn’t want to hear;

stop our footstep,our hearts will stop moving forward…

but dis is just wat we think but we r actually running away from reality..

r u happy?i hope u really r..

if u nvr think of leaving a person 4rever..u will not say u wanna leave..

u r not turning back..will u?

……i’ve never had a dream come true..so..i shud stop dreaming..

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

hope to get well soon..i not yet recover from my sick..=_=”

~+~streamyx SUCKS!!~+~+

+06/09/08+Saturday+Rainy day (>_<) +11:30pm+

I promise not to work anymore..why shud I tortured myself wif WORK WORK n WORK?i really dun understand wat am I thinking..tot of forget all the unhappiness by making myself busy..but actually I’m torturing myself..anyway i’m kinda stupid..PROMISE not to do dat anymore..(due to I juz recover from my sick..my best sista n my dear room mates scolded me for working..haha..but quite touch coz felt dat I’m actually still mean smtg to someone else..thx my dear frenz ya..)

ASSIGNMENT ASSIGNMENT n ASSIGNMENT!!i need idea for my assignment..SOMEBODY PLS HELP ME!!!!due date is coming..i still haven’t started anything…DAMN IDIOT!!last minute work again..haiz…2moro I must complete it!!

Wuwu..i’m homesick again..decided to go bek home town next weekend..haha..my lovely home..i will b back soon…..n of coz miss my frenz over there..i guess we will have great time gathering..looking forward yo^^

When everyone is concerning abt how high u flew..onli a few of them will concern how tired r u ..right now.. everyone is looking at my failure..but they actually neglect abt how hard I’ve try..wat to do?dis is human nature..haiz..i’m really tired…n my heart need a good rest…

Felt tired n hungry now..i’m enjoying my sago honey dew dat bought by my dear housemate..hehe..

our house streamyx sucks!!i guess I have to upload dis blog 2moro yea..good nite everyone..

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

P.S. thx for offer me ur shoulder to lean on..i’m appreciate ur kindness but not goin to accept it..coz I need time to find back my courage to lean n to love all over again..it’s not dat u r not good enough for me..u r good..it’s all my problem..trust me..sorry n thank u..u noe who u r..

~i'm getting tired of having a broken heart~~

actually thinking of posting blog last nite but i was too tired of rushing my script~unfortunately..our lecturer is on his medical leave today..so..our presentation postponed~my goodness~we spend our whole nite to prepared but in the end....anyway..take it as a lesson so dat i wont do last minutes work next time..=_=||..

i had a nightmare..actually is not a nightmare i guess..it's rewinder of our past....during these period of time when i'm sick my mind was occupied with his shadow...everytime when i ate my medicine n i feel drowsy my mind will think of the memories dat we hv been thru...i can still remember the last scene in my mind before i get into my deep sleep was always the scene dat i walk out from his apartment n waiting for the train behind his apartment..he didnt noe i was gone..but i think even he noes he will still hurt me..i noe dat..dat's why i choose to leave him silently..ya..the memories stops here i guess..n every time..i definitely will woke up in tears..

finally i realize dat we live in a different world..we have to admit dat everything was change n we r no longer the same person dat we r use to b..mayb situation change our hearts?who noes?onli god's noes the best things for us..i trust god for dis..but in the meanwhile really makes me felt agony~dis is not beyond my control n i noe i cant blame myself for dis~i oso wish to make myself feel better~but in time being i really cant do anything~in fact it really need to take some times to fix my broken heart~

everything went back to normal bcoz i started to have things to busy wif~i dun really noe whether is good for me or i juz running away from the problem~well..i can't run away from it anymore..it makes me worst when reach the time dat i really have no choice except to face it..but how?i really cant figure out..

i noe he has his own life to go..he has his own frenz..own dreams..without me...he can live happily..i understand dat..so..why shud i still holding on the things dat not belongs to me?i oso hv my own life to live on..n i cant stop in this circle anymore..my dreams still can achieve even without him..i cant follow his foot step anymore..bcoz he's oredi walking far far away from me until i cant c him..it's time for me to really let go le~it is the best way i think..to make myself feel better...

no point holding on the past dat disappoint me..all the best for me..n for u as well..i will not give my heart to anyone else anymore unless i'm sure dat he will love me more than i love him..i will rather keep my heart to myself so dat i wont get hurt..

we attach ourselve so closely to someone..but when he gone..a part of us gone too..love is so fragile..sometimes i wish to b a little girl again bcoz bruised knee heals faster than broken hearts....