==Emo+ing==

today is my first day of final...
i got gastric since early morning that i tot that was gastric...
well...it's actually my "aunty visit" =.="
what a good time...
oh man...
i will definitely suffer dis few days...=(

feeling so emo dis whole week...
it might because of the "aunty visit" i guess..
sigh...

sometimes doing right things is really really not so easy...
u might lose a fren because of that..
sometimes really struggle to make this kind of decisions..
but i really dun want to get blame by others if anything happen...
just consider that i am a selfish person...
who cares anyway?
i cant satisfied everyone in this world...
but this time i believe GOD will stand on my side...
so...WHO CARES??

i received an email from my friend regarding the indigo evolution...(深蓝儿童)
i google about it and i found a video clip...
it really make me feel so curious...
does the indigo evolution really exist??
it's a question marks in my head and i feel like know more about that..
but my sis ask me not to too curious and became走火入魔..
haha...that's my sis..i knew she will say that...lolz..

by the way...my holiday starting soon...
wohoo...
ya..we are all distracted by the holidayssss but forgot that we are still on our final exam..
oops!!
hehe...plan plan plan plan and plan...
i just wanna meet up all my besties in JB...
as much as i can...i feel like i really miss out alot dy..

the things in the world are keep changing...
sometimes really feel emo and disappointed for what the world have became..
it's like everyday have weird weird things happen...=.="
it's so so so ridiculous....

sigh...
stop emo+ing and i shud get back to my revision dy....
2 paper 2moro....
GOD BLESS ME!!

lalala...i'm coming back soon...
miss my daddy,mummy,round hand and smelly....

==人生.爱情.无常==

明明一整夜都没睡~
明明现在可以安心的睡~
可是我却怎么都熟睡不了~
我最受不了的其实不是失眠~
而是半睡半醒的状态=.="
不知道你们有没有这样的经验？
就是那种很像在睡觉可是又很清醒的那种~
拜托~我从昨晚到现在都是这种状态耶~
到底是哪里出了问题？
无奈~~~

干脆起身算啦~
其实刚刚到家就想上来写些东西的~
而基本上我想写这篇东西写很久了~
怎样都不能让自己的部落停顿太久吧？
嘻嘻~

终于呢我这个学期的功课全都做完了哦~
可是还有两个礼拜又是最不愿面对的大考~
不过现在我完全不想想这个~:)

最近~
还是一样一直被坏消息包围着~
这个世界到底是怎样啊？
应该说那些男人到底是怎样？
《劈腿》
很抱歉虽然我知道不能一根竹竿打翻整条船~
但是我身边所发生的的确都是男人劈腿目前还没听过女人劈腿=.="
所以不能怪我~

好姐妹、我course mate、朋友。。
都被《劈》了...:(
很无奈~
每当听到这些消息的我都是给很惊讶的反应：
怎么可能？？！！！
对啊~~
就是这个~
怎么可能？？
因为都是那些明明很稳定的感情~
也难怪我会有酱的反应吧？

唉~
爱情这种东西~
有时真的会要人的命~
不过很多时候~
总以为自己经历的遭遇很惨~
事过境迁后才发现其实比自己惨的人多得不得了~

回头看看以前的我~
还是伤的~
有些伤永远也不会忘记~
就是越爱那个伤就会越恒久吧~
或是因为还爱着所以伤一直还在呢？
其实我也不懂~~

我希望我身边的人都会好好的~
再伤都好~
最后要学会的还是该怎样爱自己~

有人说张小娴太强悍了~
会让男人很难爱~
不过我很欣赏她~
起码强悍的女人不会再为情所伤~
是她教会我怎么爱自己的~

我自觉我的部落向来都很emo~
或许我是个很emo的人吧~
因为人生总是让我觉得感慨~

嗯~
人生的无常~
对~
人生的无常让我珍惜现在所拥有的一切美好~~

好姐妹~
要撑着哦！
咬紧咬根就会过去的了~
我们会陪着你~
我保证~~

好想要拥有张小娴的《一段爱情，两个人成长》哦~~~

==后悔.不甘心==

原来有些事情~
是这辈子也无法释怀的~
为什么却要装着已经原谅了？

伤口又再次被触碰~
酒精还真的会害死人~
好姐妹失恋了~
痛苦哭泣~
一个真心的拥抱~
胜过千言万语~
我可以感同身受~
因为我知道那种痛~

我的人生~
感觉上就在20岁以后就一直飞快地前进~
一切都好像太快了~
太快地来kl深学~
太快地感受幸福~
幸福太快地离去~
太快地奔向另一个人的怀抱~
也太快地过了一年~
一切都太快了~

我想我做了最错的事~
是太快奔向另一个人的怀抱吧~
让每个人都觉得~
我所谓的爱其实很肤浅~
这样很好啊！
起码最后别人都不会把责任推给他~
起码别人看见的是我自己主动弃权并奔向另一个人怀抱~
不过这真的是我做了最错的事~
我对他的感情让人质疑了~
但是这样不也让彼此都心安理得吗？？
不再觉得亏欠对方~
不再再觉得愧疚~
不用再觉得我给的多到无法回报~
可以大方的说：是她自己要离开的
可以潇洒的说：是我自己先放弃他的

或许我真正无法释怀的是~
男人所谓的后悔~
只不过是不甘心而已~
不甘心曾经深爱着自己的女人~
那么轻易的就能奔向另一个人的怀抱~

我并不是一定要爱他~
我并不是一定要对他好~
我并没有一直想贴上去~
他凭什么让别人有这样的误解？
不要再触碰我的伤口~
了解我的人自然会懂我~
不了解的人可以继续不了解~
他没资格在外放这样的话~
因为他根本不知道怎样去爱一个人~

昨晚胡言乱语不懂说了什么~
对身边的他造成伤害了吧？
这一年来的逆来顺受~
不管我做了多么伤人的事~
还是依然用疼惜的眼神来对待一个狠心的女人~
一年来一直都没改变过的~
是那双温柔的眼睛~
如果可以的话~
我一辈子都想珍惜~

最近真的太多事情发生了~
太多丑陋的真相~
太多无奈的意外~
太多太多了~
我
真的很down....
大家都很down....

=i WANT and i WILL=

since so long i have been saying i wanted to ON DIET~
but yet i didnt really try hard to slim down..

sigh...
FAT has been a sensitive issue for me recently..
i dun like ppl telling me that i'm FAT!!!(in fact i am)
is it because i have been being "slim" all the while?
or i really being really FAT now??

but the truth is...
i've gain 6 KG since i pah toh...
i still rmbr the last time i weight myself and i was only 41KG...(^o^)
then During december when i had food poisoning...
i weight myself in the clinic...
i am 47KG...
what the..@#$#@%*&^%$
it's such a huge figure for me....

haiz haiz haiz....
I WANT to slim down...
and I WILL!!!
for my own sake..
sorry baby... n(^_^)n

but mum scold me about this..=.="
coz she says i am ok...
arrg...

anyway i've enjoy chinese new year with my love ones..
have a great reunion dinner wif my family members...
have a great trip to singapore zoo with my family and my baby..
glad that he can get along well with my family...
have a great time having gathering with my SDJ besties...
everyone have their own life to lead and i'm so glad that most of us lead a very good life now...
especially Phang Jia Rin...lolz...
but all of us oso not too bad la...
God will always keep his eyes on us..^^

my baby was sick...
so pity...i think he travel too much..:'(
hope he can recover soon as i'm not wif him now...

looking forward for 2moro gathering with my best frens...
but i'm sure there will be comment about my body again..
haiz...

my holiday ending soon..
how nice if my holiday never end..
coz i have to rush my assignment after my holiday..
sob..:(

people are hard to satisfied...
i juz mention that i dun want to graduate so soon yet i'm complaining about my assignment now...
whatever it is..
i still appreciate la...
shud be grateful coz not everyone can enjoyed college life...
gd nite everyone...

i want to slim down..
i want to slim down..
stop calling me fat..
stop calling me fat..
(*chanting)
blah blah blah.........

==爱.需要==

不希望我们之间的问题都在同一个地方打转~
有时候真的怀疑这样的生活是不是我真的想要的~
我也不想每天为了同样的东西烦~
you had a bad day 2day..
i had a bad day as well..
为什么要毫无条件的包容我~
或许我真的是错的~
就像旁人都觉得我对你不够好~
有时甚至觉得或许我没我想象中那么爱你~

爱~
或许只是一种需要而已~
当有一天觉得不需要了~
或许就没有爱了~
很多东西~
只是一种习惯~

==幸福。主宰==

这个圣诞人在KL~
也是头一次跟他一起过圣诞~
感觉很幸福~
却也很无奈~
因为我想家(>___<、)~
第一次没跟家人一起过圣诞讷~
平安夜的下午一个人到sg wang走走~
神奇吧？
连我自己都不敢相信~
哈哈~
或许是人长大了~
已经不会再害怕一个人~
已经不害怕孤单了吧~
以前的我绝对不会一个人出去的~

时间过得可真快~
那么的一眨眼~
一年又过去~
人生也就是如此~
一年的时间~
我几乎用了一年的时间~
来熟悉现在的一切~
一年听起来很长~
却也不算长~
茅盾~
哈哈~

坏消息总是环绕在身旁~
爱情总是令人感慨~
我也不知该说什么来形容我的感受~
本来就知道爱情是多么的不可靠~
但是人总还是奋不顾身的追求爱情~
遍体鳞伤~
依然爱着~
要怎样才能变得聪明？
我觉得人在爱情里总是会笨了那么一点吧~

很多时候很想说服自己去相信爱情~
但是却又会莫名其妙的怀疑起它~
人真的很茅盾~
对吧？

我现在很幸福~
真的很幸福~
不过你不会知道哪一天~
幸福又会离你而去~
有哪次我没在幸福的时候向全世界炫耀？
又有哪次我不是在幸福离我而去的时候痛彻心扉？
所以我真的不敢讲~
以后的事真的很难讲~

他~
是我刻苦铭心的爱~
却也是最难追寻的~
渐渐熟悉了变回朋友关系~
原来~
我更加喜欢这样的关系~

你~
是我无条件的爱~
就是那种~
跟本没有我要求的特徽~
但你支持我~
欣赏我~
爱护我~
包容我~
这就是无条件的爱吧~
我想拥有这样的爱人~
已经是现在最美好的幸福了~

当曾经相知的路已经走到退无可退~
当曾经牵系幸福的手已经握到连拳头都发痛~
就让爱成往事~
散落在风中吧~~

再见了~
我那刻苦铭心的爱~
它已渐渐沉淀在我心里最深处~

好姐妹，
你们一定也能够撑过去的~
因为我们都是勇敢的女孩^^
不管决定是怎样都好~
永远支持你们~*

相信我~
上帝会主宰我们的幸福~
阿门

~圣诞大餐....=.="~

最近都没update我的部落格咯~
因为最近实在太忙了~
考试然后就开始做工~
做的这份工还蛮开心的~
是个很好的经验~

昨晚他的chef请我们吃圣诞大餐~
我是真的从来没去过这么高级的场合啦~
而且食物也是我从来没吃过的~
鱼子酱，鹅肝还有一些怪怪的东西..=.="
也喝了香槟，红酒和白酒~

^我觉得他像侍应生~哈哈^

^不过还是帅啦:p^

^鱼子酱^

^不懂哪里进口的蘑菇汤^

^西式龙虾竹笋^

^冰雕甜品~这个我喜欢^

^主菜^

^主菜~鹅肉和鹅肝^

^甜品^

^Door gift^

我只能说~是很好吃的一餐~只是我不太会欣赏~

结果呢~
我竟然~
食.物.中.毒.=.="
今早肚子是痛到~~~~~~~~~~
我不会形容~
有没有试过痛到歇斯底里？
我就是这样~
还要麻烦可怜的他七早八早带我去看医生~
而且害他特地工作时间回家看我~
呵呵~有你真好^^

打电话给姐姐~
哭到不像样~
因为真的好辛苦哦~
哈哈~
自己都觉得自己像小孩子:p
结果姐姐被我吓死~
以为我发生什么事~
爸爸妈妈也打来问候我~
感觉自己好幸福哦^^
不过妈妈开玩笑说：
我们只会吃鸡肝~不会吃什么鹅肝的啦！
哈哈~这个好笑(^0^)

这个故事告诉我们~
我的肚子只能吃三块钱的鸡肝~
吃不起三百块的鹅肝~~
哈哈~

结果叻结果叻~
要吃讨人厌的药(>___<)~*

我的药(>____<)

==考验==

突然想写些东西~
所以就上来了~

最近都没什么特别的事发生~
只是我们的感情开始受到了一丁点的考验~

我想他在工作和感情上都受了不少委屈吧~
其实我很心疼他~
当他在工作上遇到了不顺心的事时~
我只能眼睁睁的看他受委屈~
我心里真的很难受~
看着他诉说着他的委屈~
虽然表面上他毫不在意~
我知道他不想让我担心~
但是我都看在眼里~
我没比他好受~
只能把一切交托于神~

我自认我生来就和别人不一样~
因为我生长在一个基督徒的家庭~
就因为这样~
在感情方面~
我的确也给了他不少的压力~
因为我是基督徒~
是上帝让我拥有一个幸福温馨的家庭~
是上帝让我拥有现在所拥有的~
所以我不能背弃我的上帝~
如果有一天~
我必须遵从上帝的旨意~
我一定会遵从~

但我深信上帝会一直看顾着他~
我也深信他会和我一样爱上帝~
因为是上帝让我们拥有现在的幸福~
却也是上帝给我们的考验~
阿门~

^we can do all things thru christ who strengthens us ^

^I AM OFFICIALLY 21st YEARS OLD^

Time flies really freaking fast…

It just like I just celebrated my 20^th years old b’day yet it’s actually one year ago when I celebrate…

I read through all my post on the blog…

Realize that I actually update my blog quite frequently compare to now..

Haha…but it’s all very sad post…which I oso realize…

I think I will only post my blog when I’m sad..

Ya…I guess I am..

Haha…

Last year b’day was fruitful…coz many frens and love ones celebrated with me..i still kept the videos and photo wif me…I’m didn’t look any different from then…this is the sad part..haha…we shud look different every year isn’t it? To prove that we have grown up…:p lolz…crap…crap…crap…

Anyway…just like last year…I will blog about my b’day…lalalalala…

Hehe..

^^I AM OFFICIALLY 21^ST YEARS OLD^^

Well, My 1^st b’day celebration was on the exact day itself..which is on 12^th NOVEMBER 2009..

After supporting my dear shari and michelle presentation in the morning, me, shari, michelle, cindy, sok yen and jummy went for lunch in One Utama.. tot will just only a simple lunch celebration so I actually didn’t really dress up for that.. end up denise and kian hong came and gave me a surprise…=.=”

It’s really damn surprise as I am in very bad condition wif my face and hair yet kian hong still took picture for me…

People..please dun get scared by my scary faces in the photo ya..:p

We had a wonderful lunch and I receive a nice blouse from michelle, jummy and sok yen…

Oh ya.. I oso receive a special present from dear cindy one day before my b’day…thx cindy^^

After lunch, I’m rushing bek home to prepare for my date…hehe..of coz wif my baby…:p

He off work at 5pm...and give a big surprise…he gave me a bouquet of roses that he wrap by himself…haha…he’s cute isn’t it?

Anyway, we cannot decide where to have dinner…coz he’s actually plan to bring me somewhere in ampang for Indonesia cuisine but end up it’s raining and that place is actually are open air..=.=”

So…our plan ruins…bcoz of the damn good weather…

We end up having dinner at THE APaRTMENT, at the curve street..errm… the food is….i dunno how to describe actually…well….i can only say maybe I expect too much… Or just maybe my baby is a chef and I think that he’s the best cooked….so…. hehe..get wat I mean? (*grin*showing off..ahem..:p)

After blowing cake all that we heading home…my house mate sang me a b’day song and we have some chit chatting..

Suddenly, a bunch of people rush into my room.. they are none other than my dear W49 cell members and my dear roommate.. they really give me a big big big surprise… thx a lot W49…I’m really touch..

We had a great time eating donuts and playing games…

u will really feeling blessed if u have a bunch of ‘‘family members in christ’’ to celebrate ur big day while ur real family is not wif u…I’m really blessed^^

14^th NOVEMBER 2009

Was my 21^st b’day party in my hometown ,JB. Brian took leave from his chef just to fetch us all the way from kl to Jb…really sweet of him… for ur information, shari,michelle and jummy attended my b’day party in JB too^^

The nite was great…i love the cake so much^^

wif the wishes and presents of my dearest frens and family and oso family in christ..but I am damn tired…

Anyway..i’m really enjoyed the nite…and I still want to say…

I AM BLESSED!!!

Just want to say :

THANK YOU to my lovely MUM who put so much effort for my b’day, my super number 1 DAD who always support and encourage me even I failed him…my round hand SIS who always stay besides me, share all my secret and buy things for me..:p…and lastly.. my smelly baby BRO, who always so cool yet he cares about me^^

(My silly sista send me a video again like last year..dis is the new version…haha…I still cant help to stop my tears everytime when I see this)

THANK YOU to my roommate, shari and my course mate, michelle, cindy and sok yen for celebrating my b’day^^ and JUMMY too~*

THANK YOU to my baby for always so sweet and love me who I am^^

THANK YOU to W49 &W19 who always make me feel warm with the love of GOD^^

THANK YOU to SISTA GABBY who sing for me on my b’day..and the songs actually blessed a lot of people^^

THANK YOU to my best fren in hometown, my best sista….who always noe me well^^

THANK YOU to my SDJ girls who always noisy but lovely^^

THANK YOU to everyone who attend my b’day party..

Lastly…I still wanna say…

I AM REALLY BLESSED for everything that GOD has given me^^

P.S: huu...finally i finish upload this post..OMG..it's actually takes me one hour and 5 pages of Microsoft word..=.=" i wonder if i can write that much in my assignments...lolz..anyway..it's time to stop and i need to do my assignment now...